Graves and Greiving

"I went to the Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes."

I must say after reading the part in chapter 2 with the man and going to the cemetery to visit his “mum,” part of me says to let it go. But then I sit back and realize that it isn’t really possible to ever let them go completely.  Every day is a struggle when you miss someone that you love.  Whether it is the death of a person or death of a relationship, loosing someone is very hard and difficult.  I have never really had to deal with much death fortunately.  I have all four grandparents left still and for that I am thankful.  I can definitely see how a man who loses his mother, visited his mother’s grave so that he can still have some form of a connection with her.  Another reason why I personally would groom and upkeep a loved one’s grave, especially someone I was especially close too, would be in a form of respect.  So that others who were there at the cemetery would see how great of a person was buried there that someone cared enough to take care of the area around the grave.  I struggle with cemeteries, especially when it is the grave of a loved one.  My great grandparents are buried up in Washington and whenever we are up in the area we go to the local store and get some flowers for them; it is never anything extravagant, but with a place filled with death, like a cemetery, life as little as flowers helps brighten up the area.  I didn’t know my great grandfather very well because he died when I was very young, and even though I did not know him very well it still yanks at my heart strings when I think about my loved one being buried there.  And I am not even going to start about how I feel about my great grandmother’s grave.  I couldn’t get over it for years after her death.  I prayed for weeks that winter to be able to see snow. And then she passed away on January 7^th I think.  The funeral was to be held in Idaho so my family flew up north.  It started snowing within 30 min of our plane landing.  It snowed the entire time we were up there and stopped the day we left.  When pondering the snow later I felt as though God said “well you got your wish.”  It took me years to get over it and I still struggle.   When we left the cemetery, Alexis asked me how I would be able to handle it when I lose my immediate family.  I will be flat out honest I get very sad and depressed very easily.  I watched the Pixar movie, UP, one night with my family.  I cried my eyes out and to this day I still can’t watch it.  Why? You ask. Because from the first scene all I could think about was losing Alexis.  It may be immature or whatever but that is all I could think about.  When you love somebody more than anything, like that man loved his mom; you will do anything to keep a connection with them.  There is one thing that I fear in life more than anything, and that is losing Alexis.  I had trouble at the cemetery. I felt as though I was not able to truly get anything out of it, for one it was not kept up at all and I did not know anyone that was buried there. If I knew someone there I could go and mourn or reflect on their life.  We came reverent and left reverent but I had some trouble reflecting and reacting upon the cemetery.